We all know…

It is a touchy subject…

Weight.

Yes, I said it weight. Plain and simple. Everyone, women or man is self conscious of their weight and body image. Weight doesn’t discriminate either, weight doesn’t care if your black, white, hispanic, asian, male, female, gay, straight, tall, short, 20 or 40. Weight will get you.

I know my co-writer Vo touched on the subject already but I wanted to share a few words of thoughts with you as well about the topic.

Remember a time when all you were afraid of was the monster under your bed? Now that monster has been turning up in your food, drinks, turning up on your body.

It doesn’t matter what you look like either, everyone has self-image issues they deal with constantly. You could be the skinniest, prettiest model or the most in shape, buff athlete, I’m sure they have their own self-image issues. Thats why they work out over time and remain extremely active so they never have to deal with the weight issue.

Now weight is an issue that can go both ways. You can get negative comments about your body image because your too “fat” but you can also get negative comments because your too “skinny”.

Personally, I have issues with how I look from time to time. I used to be really skinny. I felt at the time I had it all, the flat stomach, the curves. What wasnt to like? Than I noticed as I got older and less active I guess my body started taking the hit. Now the flat tummy is non existant and a lil flabby pudge has taken its place. I use to be able to run for miles and miles ( I was in the police and fire academy for two years in highschool) and now I run to the end of the block and I am already winded. =(

Whenever I talked to people about my weight or say things like ” I need to work out, or I need to start eating healthy cause I’m fat, or feeling fat” I always get people rolling their eyes at me and saying things like ” you don’t need to work out, your already skinny.” What they don’t get is their definition of skinny is different from mine. I USED to be skinny, I am no longer skinny. I don’t feel it, I can tell I don’t look it and I certainly can see it.

I’ve taken measures to try to slim down, but for some reason I never stay motivated long enough to follow them through enough to see progress. I guess I am looking around for the miracle weight loss program that would help me lose a dress size or two in a week. Is there such a   thing? If not why can’t there be?

The one thing I would never, ever do is plastic surgery to fix my imperfections. It’s just not my thing. My weight isn’t my only issue. My features and stuff I was born with also adds on to the equation. Theres my nose, my smile, my oily skin, my big hips and thighs, my big boobs and big butt. But they are MY imperfections. I wouldn’t change em in any surgical procedure. God gave em to me for a reason, and for that I will try my hardest to work with what I was given.

The lesson I have learned, especially as I’ve gotten older is before someone could ever love me, I had to learn to love myself. Before I could ever expect to be accepted by my peers, I had to learn to accept myself. Before someone or something could ever make me happy, I had to be happy with myself. The end conclusion is, I may not be entirely 100% percent okay with how I look or the weight my body is in but I certainly am getting there. I feel comfortable in my own skin, I have my bad days when the mirror hits  me at certain angles and  the light is to a certain brightness but I push through those times and have learned to embrace my curves and my features.

I may not be ready to do one of those commercials where the women are in  their bras and underwear and they are just loving the heck out of their bodies but I certainly almost there. =)

Aly G

Love Thyself

Our culture and society have a strong impact on what “sexy” is, or how a “real woman” should look.

Now what woman wouldn’t want to look like this? ->

Skinny, flat tummy, muscular six pack. Heck I wouldn’t mind looking like this at all. But facing facts, I love junk food and don’t work out nearly enough to have a body like this.

I’ve struggled (as well as many other women out there) with my body image for as long as I can remember. I’m 5’6 and currently weight around 165-170. This is the highest my weight has ever been. In high school I went down to 140 and was very very happy. But then I feel off the workout wagon and started birth control (that really affects whether or not you can lose weight and keep it off).

My self confidence and esteem were at an all time low before my junior year of high school. I didn’t think I was good enough for anything or anyone. And this was with my father telling me I was beautiful and making comments like “I’m glad God blessed me with beautiful daughters”. It was a very, very dark and depressing time for me. Once when I was at the doctors to take stitches out of my thumb, my doctor told me that at the rate I’m going, by the time I had 2 kids I would be 225 lbs (mind you I was 12 when this happened and wasn’t working out at all). That visit really made me depressed and made me want to just eat away my self pity with more junk food. But at 15 my mom enrolled me in a teen fitness program at the gym where I now work. It was a great way to get experience with actually working out. I had been on the basketball team in grade school for my 7th and 8th grade year but that’s only a portion out of the year and we didn’t really do anything but run. With this I was excited to use weights, and try yoga, and learn about healthy alternatives to good like chocolate soy milk, and pomegranate. I had lost 10 pounds with this program and then started taking martial arts (and I have to say the quickest way to drop some pounds is to take up a martial arts class and go 2-3 days a week) With that class i dropped another 15 pounds. I had gone from 165 to 140 in a summer. Needless to say I was very happy with myself. My confidence was higher, I had better self esteem and I got noticed more by the fellas (hey now!!)

but…

In my senior year I had to start birth control (for all the ladies out there that know about internal pluming issues, let me tell you I had it bad). Once I got on this pill my weight shot back up to 160 (imagine my heart break after all that hard work over the summer to drop it all). At first I didn’t let it discourage me, I started hitting the gym 3 days a week, running, weight lifting, watching my diet… and NOTHING!!! not a pound was dropped, everything that was once up (esteem and confidence) started to go back down. This of course broke my heart, and I started a different pill. This pill is better, though it takes a lot for me to keep the pounds off.

During this time I bounded from relationship to relationship trying to fill the void in myself. Looking to a guy for approval and acceptance, when really, the first person I should have gone to was myself!

After my first year of college I was single and was slowly working on me. Learning about myself and for the first time I was happy being me. I was happy with no man in my life. I was working out regularly and by then (finally got a gym membership) and my weight was maintained pretty well.

Now comes to my current struggle. A couple of years ago (after my boyfriend and I had been together for about 6-7 months) I got a free body age assessment from my job. It was after the holidays so you can only imagine how much fat was on me. My assessment told me basically, I was overweight (too much body fat %) and I went into a depression. But instead of being down about it like I had in the past, I gave myself the rest of that day to feel bad for myself but then I would start working out regularly. So I started running. I ran consistently and in a week I could already see results (so did my boyfriend).

Now with school in my life, it’s hard to find the time to work out and be consistent with it. I’m still working on it, and still working on my body image. I’ve come to terms with not being able to have that flat something like I want, but maybe one day I will (For me that’s a big maybe and this is me putting myself down, old habits die hard). Anything is possible right? I just have to put in the will power and motivation. But I also know I looooooooooooove “junk food”. I’m not scared to eat pizza, fries, cheeseburgers, McDonald, ice cream, or anything else… I just don’t do it everyday.

Seeing all the women on TV, who are famous and loved, as thin as air, well it’s no wonder women have such a hard time loving the way they look. I’m glad I found a man who loves my body the way it is, but more importantly I need to love my body the way that it is. There’s a good chance I may never get the “ideal” body that I want, and I have to be ok with that because I have to embrace the good things about me now and not focus so much on the bad things. Yeah I have a bit of a tummy, and big hips thighs and but, but being Puerto Rican, I embrace the things that make me different from others. No one has a body like mine, and it’s what makes me different. Why try to be like everyone else? Who would remember you? Take a stand and start loving you just as you are. Confidence in a woman is amazing and empowering and just awe inspiring. I want to be an example for young women all over that having some “extra meat” on your bones is ok, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Being healthy doesn’t mean you have to be “skinny”. Know your body. Some women are naturally big, small, skinny, fat (and I say fat not to insult anyone but to embrace it. We have to stop thinking of “fat” as a negative). Whatever your body is, embrace it, love it because it’s yours and no one should make you feel less than because of your size.

You are beautiful. Tell yourself that every morning in the mirror if you have to. DO IT! mean it, and believe it! Self confidence and esteem should be something you, yourself build, don’t ever give that power to someone else!

Stop Hating Your Body for some stories of other people going through something similar to what you are, check out this blog.

Ever Feel Like Your Being Watched?

Well, maybe you are…

I found myself sitting here watching this new show on the ID channel called “Stalked: Someones Watching” and I found myself relating to these girls in a way. Remember R from my last post, the ex, well he wasn’t just my ex he also became my stalker. Many people don’t know I was stalked, but then again who goes around telling people that sort of stuff.

For those of you that didnt read the last post, I shall quickly update you. R was my boyfriend from the age of 15 almost to 18 years old. He was abusive and needless to say it just didnt work out. Now most of you probably know where this story is heading but if it didnt jump out at you yet, I’ll make it obvious. V just wouldnt take NO for an answer and felt the need to follow me around after we broke up.

It never seemed to matter where I went, R always seemed to show up and no exactly where I was. If he couldnt personally be there than one of his little goons would. If I showed up somewhere one of R’s goons were than no more than ten minutes later, R would walk right in like it was a coincidence that we were in the same place.

I must have changed my cell phone number five times in one year. Every single time he would get my number, I dont know how, but I know among my friends somewhere there was a mole (beware of your friends lol).  He than proceeded to call all my friends and family when he couldnt get a hold of me. He would drive past my house at all hours and if I wasnt home, he would call me or text me and ask why my car wasnt outside my house and where was I. He also came up to  the house a few times and knocked at  the door at all hours double checking if I was home or where I was.

There was even a point where R had a new girlfriend, yes you read correctly. A NEW GIRLFRIEND. Yet he still seemed to concern himself with where I was or what I was doing. R still drove past my house, still found my new phone number. This time around his new girlfriend jumped in on the action. She also would call me and eventually started driving past my house at all hours with her own little goons. Once again I had to change my number, not much I could do about changing my address.

There was one time I remember being in the car with two of my best friends and suddenly V and his new lady friend started chasing me out of nowhere. R was in a huge SUV and she was in a Nissan. Were these fools really trying to ram me? In any case one of the only good things I learned from dating R was how to out drive people. I out drove their little sorry asses back to drivers ed =). <—my attempt at a lame joke.

The final straw, meaning the thing that finally got the police  to be involved, was when my aunt woke me up to tell me two police officers were at the door for me. When I got to the door, they didn’t even have to say anything I could see why they were here. The bitch had bricked the hell out of my car, not a single window was in tack, no part of the car was left undented, she even wrote stupid little names all over my car. Lucky for me I had full coverage and no deductible =). Luckily for me a few neighbors of mine got her make and model and one nosy neighbor even got her plate number. Can you say hello restraining order? Neither V or his slut went to jail or anything but after both were served with restraining orders I didnt hear from them again.

Now the people in the show have it much worse, they had people breaking into their homes and planning on killing them. It never went that far with my two little stalkers, although V had my family convinced that he was going to kidnap me one day and could possibly kill me. I sympathize for those who have been stalked and survived to tell their story of strength and overcoming. I also feel for those who were stalked and werent so lucky. Its a horrible feeling to have your privacy invading, to know someones watching you at all hours or the day and night, to turn around and suddenly their there, to be continuously terrorized. Its something that hits home, and is hard to get through.

For those of you that  have ever been stalked, you than know most states laws against stalking dont work that great. They dont really work for you until the stalker has actually tried to make his/her move on you. Until this happens theres not much the authorities can do for you and you just turn into bait basically. Thank god there are women out there who had the strength to overcome their stalking and started a path to change laws against stalking. All stalkers should be put behind bars and violated for violating others.

If you find  yourself being stalked, please call your local authorities. I know I said there isn’t much they could do at first but at least somewhere it will be documented and from then on anytime you feel as though your stalker is following you or threatening you call the police every time, do not take any chances. It’ll get frustrating that theres nothing they can do but at least all your calls will add up as evidence against the bastards until finally they can go and catch em. Dont let yourself become a victim, be strong and fight to  take your life back.

Remember they may be goons, but your a goblin and as Lil Wayne says ” so okay your a goon but whats a goon to a goblin?” =)

A little song to all the stalkers (wanna be goons) out there Steady Mobbin\’ – Lil Wayne.

Aly G

Every Relationship Has A Breaking Point, So The Question Is…

When is enough, enough?

My co-writer/best friend Vo and I recently came to the conclusion that we both have been in the situations where we have asked ourselves “why do I put up with this?” and we know we are not the only ones who have asked ourselves that. It’s impossible to be happy ALL the time in your relationship. I mean ANY relationship, whether its your with your family, friends or boyfriend/girlfriend.

Vo and I are going to take turns telling you about our situations and thoughts on this topic, but before we do take a second and really think about that question, “why do you put up with it?”. I personally know that when I was asked this very say question, I had no way to answer it. The only thing I would think of to say was ” well, I…I love him” and if you knew my situation at the time you would of thought this answer was completely stupid.

So with that in mind I’ll take a minute to ask you is “love” really enough? I mean I know in order for any relationship to work you have to have love for the other person. In the case of an actual significant other I would hope your with someone you love if not could eventually see yourself loving. Let me tell you love can be a very beautiful thing once its found, and love truly is the gift that keeps on giving….[insert big BUT here]…can love really just be enough to make a relationship grow? Isn’t true you could love someone who just isn’t the right one for you, or love someone who is a complete asshole?

In my personal experience, at the age of 16 I could of sworn I met the boy I was to spend the rest of my life with, the guy I was in LOVE with, for the sake of his identity we will call him V. Of course he was everything I could ever want right? I  mean isn’t that normally how these stories go? V had his really good qualities and our relationship was perfect for the first two years,I mean don’t get me wrong we had our little fights like any relationship but nothing to ask myself “why am I with him”, then like milk left out in the sun, it started to turn sour. All of a sudden V didn’t want me spending so much time with my friends, didn’t like that I had guy friends, went through my phone while my back was turned, didn’t want me going out to parties, etc. Even while I was rushing to beat him to my house so he wouldn’t know I was this party or that party I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this.Even when other people started noticing and asking me “why do you put up with this? you don’t deserve this.” I would simply answer ” I love him”. It hadn’t dawned on me that this wasn’t love, you aren’t suppose to be afraid of the one you “love”, you’re not suppose to always look behind you in fear that he would know you went out or talked to this person behind his back. Even after V cheated on me with a girl I had went to elementary school with I thought we could somehow make this relationship work because again ” I loved him”. He of course said all the right things to stay around a day longer than he should have.

Now V was verbally and mentally abusive, and he was most definitely a cheater but he had never laid a hand on me, so I always gave him credit for that. That was until the day finally came around where he decided to take it a step further and hit me. That’s when it finally hit me like a ton of bricks ” WHY AM I WITH HIM!?!?!” I could do SO MUCH BETTER. That was my breaking point. Thats when enough became enough. After that it got rocky, but we’ll save that story for another topic, probably one about stalkers and car brickers lol. At the end of the day love wasn’t good enough to help our relationship through all of the lows we had, and I realized enough really was enough for me and he had to go.

I realize I was stupid than but I’ve grown since than and if I could get at least ONE person to really think about the questions I’ve asked you and really evaluate your relationship than I know it was all worth it.

Now, my current boyfriend (we’ll call him Way), well he’s a different story, we’ve been together for 3.5 years now and he’s never once been verbally or mentally abusive, never laid a hand on me and he never will. We do  have our pity little fights and sometimes they do escalate and we end up saying things we probably shouldn’t have and I’ll find myself thinking (occasionally even saying it out loud in front of Way) ” God, why am I with you?” and than I think about to V and realize Way is no where near that, I do LOVE him. Now I’m in no way saying love is enough in this relationship but its been a really great starting place, which lead us to build trust, respect, communication, faith, family, bond and connections on top. V and I never had anything other than “love” we never used love as a foundation to build off of. Way and I have our ups and downs, our highs and lows but at the end of the day we realize we love each other and that in turn reminds us of all that we have built for US, and we aren’t willing to throw that away. So I guess for us love is enough, and I haven’t quite had enough of him. (stayed tuned though, it might change lol).

I’ve written enough for this post, time to let Vo do her thing.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. I have friends who have been with their boyfriends for 5 years and 4 years, and I know that in all that time it’s never just smooth sailing. Being in a relationship with someone is hard work. You have to put time and effort in to make it last, and put up with that other persons bad habits and qualities (they also have to put up with yours). There have been times when my boyfriend and I have been fighting that I asked myself, “Why do I put up with this?” and I have been asked “why do you put up with him?” and I wonder, is “love” a good enough answer? because honestly I couldn’t really answer her when she asked me, I only replied “I guess the same reasons why you put up with it from your boyfriend”

Now as a women I’ve always said “If a man ever cheats on or me hits me, it’s over!” of course that leaves out the guy being a total jerk, or if the flame just dies out. There have been 2 relationships I’ve really grown from. one at 17, and the guy was a total jerk! He denied it but I think he, just like his family, had an issue with my ethnicity. He would say things that put me down, called me a bitch, and I began to feel bad about being who I was. Needles to say I put my foot down and got tired of him constantly putting me down and making me feel stupid, and ended things. After him I added “if he ever calls me a bitch” to the list to deal breakers.

Another relationships I was in was with one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever known. We went to high school together and everyone knew him. We got together our senior year and it was all good for a while. But then I began to see him as just my friend. There was no passion there, and it was slowly getting worse and worse. He was my first year long relationship and it broke my heart knowing I had to break his. This kind of enough was a tough one. As sweet and kind as he was, and as well as he treated me, I just wasn’t feeling it and had put off breaking things off for too long because I was scared what our friends would say since everyone knew and loved him. But I couldn’t let that keep me in a relationships I was unhappy in and had the potential to get worse. I knew if I stayed I would hurt him more by leaving him for someone else.

I, along with Aly G, have asked “why am I with him? why do I put up with him?” in my current relationship and I think saying “Because I love him” (as stupid as it sounds) is really true. When we’re in love, or think we are, we’ll put up with anything. The cheating, the mean words, the straight up abuse. But once in  a while we have to ask ourselves, “is this what I want? is this how I want the rest of my life to be?”

As Bob Marley put it “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

And no matter who it is, everyone you know, especially the ones you love are going to hurt you, fact is, you have to ask yourself “is it worth it?”. To me the con’s don’t out weight the pro’s. And I think that’s what really matters. Yeah you’re going to have your up’s down’s and all the jazz, but at the end of the day, do they still make you happy?

I can honestly say that my boyfriend J and I have had more up’s than down’s, and there have been times when he’s said or done something that’s made me throw out “if you ever do that again we’re done” and I do mean it, I just hope and pray he never puts me to the testing it. We still have a lot to work on as a couple and as individuals, but as they also say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and neither is love, it’s constantly growing and changing, and it’s up to us to take care of it, and snip off the thorns every once in a while.

A relationships is a two way street, not one person can carry the weight alone. Remember to be true to yourself above anything else. Find the guy that will put up with your bad side, and bad habit without being a d-bag about it, and if you have a list of deal breakers, stick to your guns!! As hard as it is, don’t ever think it’s the end of the world for love. Sometimes your absence is what it might take to open their eyes, and want to change for you. (don’t ever try to change someone, they have to try and do it themselves… but that might be a topic for another day)

Bottom line is: What are you willing to put up with? Who are you willing to suffer for? Take heed from those around you and SEEK ADVICE FROM WOMEN IN A RELATIONSHIP!! cause more than not we’ve been there to.

Respect – Aretha Franklin – song that goes with todays theme a little bit

Is There Sucha Thing As….

Girls in their 20’s in relationships still have “single” days?

I’ve recently had the obvious jump out at me, things surely have changed. I remember a time when my friends and I were single and we had one of the best summers I have ever had. It wasn’t that long ago actually, probably 4 years the most. A lot can change in 4 years. None of us had boyfriends than, we all had either gotten out of a bad relationship, chosen to forget we even had a boyfriend or simply didn’t have one. The Summer of ’07 was a good summer.

Now, well now its going to be summer of ’11 and my friends and I have all grown up. Being 23 and 24 comes with a lot more responsibilities, stress and yes, boyfriends. Now remember in ’07 we spent like everyday and night together us girls. It was girls over bros, girl power, women stick together and all that over mumble jumble. Now its us + the boyfriends. Not much room for “Boys keep out, Girls only!” Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend to death, we have gone through things together you couldnt even imagine, and we have the best relationship i have ever had with anyone, he knows things about me my girlfriends could never know, but lets face the facts he has a penis, so that kind of excludes him from the “GIRLS ONLY NIGHTS”.

I remember a time long, long, LONG ago when my girls and I would go out and have these so called “girls nights”. We would go to a little dive bar have a few drinks, bitch about men, catch up on all the gossip and just well, be girls. Then we would head out to, well any place basically that had good music and more alcohol and we would just dance the night away. These days have became far and few in between now. I know there are plenty of reasons for this and many of those categories I personally fall into myself, but whatever happened  to those “single girl” tendencies inside of all of us?

Most of us now a days have full-time if not part-time jobs while balancing getting our college education, paying bills, hanging with the family and making time for our men, and at the end of the day that does not leave much room for “me” time, much less girl time or anything else for that matter.

There are just days though where I wish I could still be that single girl living the taken girl life. Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too? Who even made up that stupid saying? I mean don’t get me wrong, I still  go out every now and than and I still see my girls once in awhile. Now instead of dancing and drinking its more movies, bowling, game night or double dating.

I am certainly not in a relationship where my boyfriend keeps me from going out, he very much enjoys his “man time” as much as I enjoy my “girl time”. It just seems as though boys never grow out of that going out and partying phase. They still see their boys, get all wasted and do manly things like crushing cans on their head or arm wrestling or whatever it is that they do when they get together. Girls seem to mature and for some reason more busy, its like the lil party girl inside of us dies a little everyday. Well I want to revive her, has anyone figure out a way to bring someone back to life yet? If so, I need to talk to them.

Then theres always that elephant in the bar with you when you do go out with your girls. You guys know what I am talking about. That elephant that stands there and looms over you, constantly reminding you, you have a boyfriend so DONT EVEN think about looking at that semi cute guy at the bar, or you BETTER say no to that guy trying to dance with you, and DONT EVEN DARE take your phone out in the presence of another male in case your boyfriends friends are around and get the wrong idea. Who wants to constantly look over their shoulders every time they attempt to go out with the girls just cause they want to have a little fun?

Now I never cheat, and I certainly do not advocate cheating on your significant other. I have been cheated on in previous relationships and let me tell you the feeling certainly does suck balls. I would never do that to my boyfriend and would hope he’d never do that  to me, and if you are looking for someone to be in your corner and support your decision to cheat, I am the wrong person to come to…..BUT I do not see anything wrong in going out and having friendly, innocent fun and not worry about every step you take in case your boyfriend or his friends have followed you out ( and trust me from past experiences some guys are NOT against following you or sending their friends out to watch over you).

So all this leads to me ask the question, can girls in their 20’s who are in committed relationships still have single days? Why don’t we all get together anymore and go out and take the night away. Chi-Town used to be OURS, we used to RUN this city and NO ONE got in our way. What happened to that? Now we have seemed to let little hoodlum, skanky girls step in and act like they run the joint. I say we take our city back and own the freaking night. I saw we get together and DO THE DAMN  THING!

As the comedian Dane Cook once said “lets just go out drink and dance in a circle around  our shoes and pocket books. FUCK GUYS, I JUST WANNA DANCE”

Who’s with me? Lets let the little single girl inside of all of us taken girls come out to play for a little, I guarantee you wont regret it.

We Takin Over – Dj Khaled

We Da Best, We Taking Over =)

Aly G.

Introducing…

Hello all, and welcome to a blog that keeps it real talking about love, life, and asking the questions that we may be a little hesitant to ask, or thought you were alone in wondering.
My best friend and I started this blog (mostly her idea, but I am more than excited to join in on the fun).

We have had our fair share of puppy love, really bad heart breaks, the potentials that just didn’t work out, and up’s and down’s in our old and [current] long term relationships.

If you’re currently in a relationship, just got out of one, haven’t been in one (ever) or in years, hoping to get in one soon and you’ve got questions, ideas, suggestions on love, life and all the wonders of being a lady, don’t be shy, we’re all women here.
Feel free to share anything and everything on your mind.

My co-writer and I will be posting things all about our experiences from beginning to well, now. We hope you all enjoy, and maybe share your experiences too.
Signing off
-Vo